Loving Our Parents, Our Way

We’ve all heard it, “Log kya kahenge?” It echoes through wedding seating charts, career decisions, mental health hushes and for many of us, it shows up when we try to have one of the hardest conversations of all, How do we care for our aging parents in a way that honors them and is sustainable for us?

In many South Asian households, caregiving is a sacred duty. We grow up watching generations care for elders at home, often with no outside help and very little discussion. But times, families, and needs have shifted. And quietly, across living rooms and long-distance calls, more of us are wondering, What happens when love needs a little more support?

We are not alone in this. In the U.S., about 23% of adults are part of the “sandwich generation,” caring for both children and aging parents. Among Asian Americans, including Indian Americans, the number is higher and the pressure often deeper. According to AARP, over half of Asian Americans aged 45-55 provide care across generations, and financial stress is a common concern, with many reporting reliance on credit or loans to manage care costs. These pressures are even more acute for families with transnational ties, when parents are still in India, the emotional and logistical load grows heavier.

It’s a full-time job layered onto an already full life. And for many, it’s done in silence.

Culturally, caring for elders is tied to identity, to duty, to love, to the legacy of showing up no matter what. But suggesting help, whether it’s hiring a part-time caregiver or visiting a retirement community, can feel like failure. Parents may fear being forgotten. Children may fear being judged. And layered on top of all that is log kya kahenge, the fear of what others will say.

But elder care is changing. And so are we.

Across our communities, people are finding ways to support their parents that feel both respectful and realistic and still deeply rooted in love.

We carry a lot, quietly and constantly. And it’s okay to name that.

This kind of caregiving often comes with real sacrifice:

But it also comes with strength. With deep love. And with the hope that if we can do this with honesty, our kids will know how to do it for us, with less fear, and more support.

There’s no perfect script. But what helps is starting small, and centering care, not correction.

💭 “I’ve been thinking about how to make your days easier. Would you be open to exploring some ideas together?”
💭 “There’s a place that celebrates Holi and serves your favorite food. We don’t have to decide now, just see what it’s like.”
💭 “Whatever we choose, it’s about your happiness. That’s what matters most.”

Involving trusted family members, family doctors, or faith leaders can help make the conversation feel less confrontational and more communal. Sometimes hearing it from someone outside the family makes space for acceptance.

There’s no single path that works for every family. But there are more options than many of us realize and more dignity in those choices than we’ve been taught to believe.

In the U.S.: Communities like ShantiNiketan in Florida offer South Asian food, prayer spaces, and festivals, creating a familiar environment for elders while allowing them to maintain independence with support as needed. These culturally attuned communities help reduce feelings of isolation and support elders’ emotional well-being by connecting them with peers who share their language, customs, and celebrations.

For families who prefer to keep loved ones at home, there are a growing number of options such as part-time home health aides, meal delivery services tailored to South Asian diets, and virtual healthcare consultations. Many families also find strength in local South Asian organizations, temples, and community centers, which often offer caregiver support groups, wellness programs, and social activities for seniors.

Navigating elder care can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. Tapping into community resources, online forums, and national organizations like AARP can provide practical guidance and emotional support, making the journey more manageable and less isolating.

In India: Retirement communities such as Serene or Dignity Lifestyle provide services ranging from housekeeping to on-site nurses, enabling elders to enjoy social life and cultural familiarity while receiving necessary support. These communities often organize festivals, group activities, and wellness programs, helping residents maintain an active and engaged lifestyle while staying close to their roots.

Other Models: Some families explore multigenerational living, adult day care, or community-based programs, tailoring support to their unique needs and resources. For those supporting parents across continents, technology can be a lifeline, video calls, health monitoring apps, and digital payment platforms make it easier to stay connected and involved, no matter the distance. Hiring part-time or full-time home health aides also offers flexibility, allowing elders to remain in their own homes with personalized assistance.

It’s not about “sending them away.” It’s about honoring the life they’ve built, while helping them continue it safely, joyfully, and with dignity.

When we say “log kya kahenge?”, what if we meant:

People will say…
They cared with thought.
They acted with love.
They made room for joy.
They honored tradition and also asked what their parents actually needed.
They showed up, differently, but deeply.

We’re not here to hand out a guide or tell you what to do. But if you’ve been carrying this conversation in your chest, maybe this is your reminder that you're not wrong for needing help and you're not alone in trying to figure it out.

Love doesn’t look the same in every generation.
But when it’s honest, flexible, and grounded in care, it lasts.

☕ For anyone balancing culture, family, and love, you’re doing more than enough. And you’re not the only one trying to make it all work.

In the U.S.:

In India:

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